Life After Cancer: Why Grief Can Still Be Part of the Journey

(By Marleen van Erp)

Grief is most often associated with saying goodbye to a loved one. Yet grief can also arise in other life-changing situations. For many people, life after cancer can feel like a grieving process. You are still here, and perhaps more than ever, you want to celebrate and embrace life fully. At the same time, you may feel weighed down by heavy, often undefined emotions that seem to hold you back. To understand this apparent paradox, it can be helpful to look more closely at grief and how it shows up after cancer.

So what do we actually mean by grief?

Grief is a natural response to loss. While it is commonly linked to death, any significant loss can trigger a grieving process, particularly when it involves a deep emotional impact. Examples include the end of a relationship, divorce, job loss, or a major health crisis. For many people, the experience of cancer brings multiple forms of loss at once.

After cancer, grief may relate to:

• The loss of your “old self”
• The life you had before cancer
• A sense of carefreeness
• Physical health and energy
• Changes in your body, or the loss of a body part
• Shifts in fertility, libido, or sense of femininity or masculinity
• Changes in friendships or social networks
• Loss of work or professional identity
• Altered future expectations
• Loss connected to an unfulfilled wish to have children

Life after cancer brings many changes, some visible and some more subtle. You may be grieving the loss of how things used to be, even as you are grateful to have survived. These mixed emotions are both valid and common.

The purpose of grieving

Grieving serves an important psychological function. It allows sadness to be felt gradually, in a manageable way rather than in an overwhelming way. In this sense, grieving acts as a protective mechanism of the psyche. It helps the brain process loss, integrate what has happened, and eventually learn how to live with a changed reality. By giving ourselves this space, we can slowly come to terms with what has changed and learn to live with it.

The five stages of grief

Grief unfolds in stages. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, a renowned physician and psychiatrist specialising in grief, describes these stages in her book On Grief and Grieving: The Five Stages of Grief. These stages are common responses to loss that many people recognise. Kübler-Ross describes them as reference points – not rules – that may help us recognise and understand our emotional responses.

The five stages are:

• Denial and disbelief
• Anger
• Bargaining
• Depression or disorientation
• Acceptance

These stages don’t follow a fixed order, and not everyone experiences all of them. Their duration can vary widely: a stage may last weeks or months, or sometimes just hours. They can overlap, flow into one another, and even return multiple times – anger, for example, often resurfaces. Although these five stages are often seen, it’s important to recognise that everyone grieves in their own way, and each grieving process is unique.

Characteristics of the five stages

1. The stage of denial is often marked by shock and a sense of numbness. This is frequently seen shortly after a cancer diagnosis. It protects us from taking in more than we can manage at that moment.
2. As reality slowly begins to sink in – between treatments and especially after it ends- there may be space for suppressed emotions such as anger. Kübler-Ross emphasises that anger need not be logical or justified. It often arises when you feel safe enough to acknowledge that you will likely survive what lies ahead. Anger may be directed at the body for feeling as though it has let you down, or at the situation you didn’t choose. Although we often try to control or avoid anger, it is important to recognise that it is an essential part of the healing process.
3. The bargaining stage is characterised by thoughts that begin with “if only” or “what if.” We want to go back in time, to reclaim our old life. Feelings of guilt often accompany this stage. Bargaining can serve as a transitional phase, giving the mind time to adjust to new circumstances.
4. When we are once again confronted with the present moment and the reality of what has happened, we may enter the depressive phase. This phase can include feelings of emptiness, exhaustion, loss of motivation, and profound sadness. It can feel endless, but it is important to know that this does not indicate a mental disorder. Kübler-Ross describes this form of depression as a natural and appropriate response to loss. The nervous system partially shuts down to protect us and allow time for adaptation, which can result in low energy or lethargy.
5. Acceptance does not mean that everything suddenly feels okay. Rather, it reflects an acknowledgement that life has changed and that we must learn to live with a new reality. This is often the stage in which healing begins to unfold gradually.

Asking for support

Grieving, alongside physical and mental recovery after cancer, is a deeply individual process. There is no universal timeline and no checklist to complete. Everyone moves through it at their own pace, and it cannot be rushed. When grief is pushed aside or suppressed, it often finds other ways to surface; acknowledging it can support emotional healing and long-term wellbeing. Allow yourself to feel sadness and remember that you are allowed to grieve. Becoming familiar with the stages of grief may help you make sense of what you are experiencing. Give yourself the time and space to feel what needs to be felt, and do not hesitate to ask for support – from loved ones or from a professional – if needed.

Yoga and recovery after cancer

For many people, yoga becomes an important companion in the phase after cancer. It offers a gentle way to reconnect with the body, rebuild strength and resilience, and restore trust – both physically and emotionally. Through mindful movement, breath awareness, and stillness, yoga can support nervous system regulation and create space to process emotions that often surface after treatment ends.

This was also my own experience during recovery after cancer, where yoga became an essential support in regaining balance, strength, and trust in my body. At Raj Yoga School, the Retreats and Yoga Teacher Training programs offer a safe and supportive environment for this phase of recovery. They support rebuilding health and vitality while providing practical tools to navigate life after cancer with greater awareness, resilience, and confidence.

Sources:

• On Grief and Grieving– Elisabeth Kübler-Ross & David Kessler
• American Psychological Association
• Amsterdam UMC – Emotional processing in cancer care